9/08 Observations on Grieving

The state Fair and it's attendant chaos helped to keep me off my game and probably reduced the amount of sobbing over the weekend. Now that it's over and life goes back to routine around here, I am quickly and continually reminded of the hole that has been introduced into our lives.
I don't believe that I have ever lost anything I loved as much as my dear Ruby. Relatives are close, but I did not interact with them 24/7 for seven years. Nor did they wake me every morning by jumping on my chest and sneezing in my face. This is not recommended with larger breed dogs. I have saved her harness and leash along with a few select toys and her car bed. They went into the attic and will await their next owner. I think that maybe next summer we may be ready to transfer a portion of our love for her to a new pug.
The flowers, cards, phone calls and e-mails have been such a great reminder of how deeply she touched the lives of everyone she met. We are thinking about doing some sort of fund raising event in October. It will probably involve wine and homemade eggrolls along with other tasty treats. We want to help out a pug rescue organization in the area in Ruby's memory.
I think that this will end my posting here for quite a while. I want to end with a thought someone gave me the other day. "Don't cry because she is gone. Smile because she was here." I am going to cling tightly to that for a long, long time. Hug your babies tight for us here and peace to you.
Bartley

9/02 Not what we had hoped for

Ruby had a bad reaction to the chemo drugs and paased away in my arms at 7:30 this evening. I am devastated and second guessing every decision I've made with her treatment. She was our first child. God Bless her.

9/02 Vinchristine = Blech!

Last Tuesday they gave Ruby another injection of Vincristine Sulfate. They lowered the dose in hopes that she would not react as badly this time. Maybe a little better, but not much. This time she kept her appetite until late Wednesday night. Early Thursday morning she woke me up and I could tell she wasn't doing well. She was breathing fast and hard. She also had tremors. I don't think she ever vomited this time, but she bowels were uncontrollable, watery and absolutely foul smelling. Unlike the last dose, this time she became very weak and lethargic. She spent most of the day laying in her bed and soiling herself. My wife caught her at her water bowl whimpering because she was thirsty but too nauseous to drink. We have cried a lot again today. I called and made an appointment with the U and took her in at 2:30pm. More subcutaneous fluids and anti-nausea meds. I brought her home and bathed her and then took her to pug social at it's temporary location in Nordeast Mpls. Usually this  gathering is in our home as it has been every Thursday for the last 6 years. I brought her bed with us and she laid there and held court with all the fine friends who love her so much.
I looked back at her chemo protocol and this Vincristine is every other week for the duration of treatment. I sure hope they can get a handle on the dosage. I understand that the drugs should make her a little sick, but not this much. It's too hard to watch.
One more note. A big thank you to the great vet students at the U of M who chatted with me while I was trying not to melt down for the umpteenth time today. You are all going to be wonderful vets.